So nice to read all this, I really relate to everyone’s story’s, it’s amazing how similar our life experience can be.
I found it really harsh when I started to realize that a situation in which I gave a fair bit, had a fair bit taken, and which was very heart breaking, stung so much because I was hoping for a “fair” deal not giving freely. It kind of feels like a double whammy!
This experience prompted me to reflect, everyone’s questions above basically. I’ve not got there yet but I’ve realize if I’m asking these questions your on the right track. And glimpses of more genuine generosity increase. Often my generosity can be contrived, other times I help out and forget about it then later on or the next day I’m like ” oh whats that nice warm feeling, oh yeah that person got what they needed” . It’s like little glimpses, spotting the differences between types of generosity, light and free or heavy and burden full waiting for a payoff, that seems to be making a difference to me, tuning in on the one that feels so much better just seems to happen if your open to look into these things.