A good and lively debate opening up on this which is great. Sam, thanks for sharing your grandmothers story. You comments about “refining” the basis of our generosity are right on point, but I would add this. While we work to refine the quality of our motivation, we should not feel that the generosity we may previously have delighted in, even if with a touch of vanity surrounding it, is not still a positive thing. Generosity is always a wholesome act if it is a benefit to another. The merit of it (which is the karma we accumulate on account of that act) is of course conditioned by what it i that has prompted us to act. So acts of generosity rooted in pride, vanity or even seeking praise of appreciation are not as karmically positive as those acts of pure generosity that are prompted simply by the desire or delight in sharing. But it is still generosity never the less. There are extreme cases, where compulsive giving may become an unhealthy habitual way of seeking love or approval, but always a generous heart is a more open heart than one that is shut down by aver ice or stinginess. The need to feel loved is something that runs deep, and it will not be fully transformed until we have found a complete acceptance and genuine ( not vain ) love for ourselves. So don’t judge yourselves too harshly. And decides it is reasonable for gratitude to be expressed in the face of generosity received and understandable that we might feel disheartened when it is not forthcoming.