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#51969
Shasha
Participant

Thank you for this Burgs. You are right when you say that it is hard to listen to. Mainly because I’m not really sure what I should be feeling, I.e. What is constructive and what is not. I come from two families with a vigorous work ethic and large numbers of children. My parents had fewer offspring by choice (3) and dedicated their working lives to mission work in the Middle East as Christians. As their child and as myself, the principles of working hard, sharing with others and doing something that satisfies more than just my own needs have been my principle influences. Living in the UK and working around the needs of my son as (now) a lone parent has its challenges of course but I know and I am grateful for the fact that all my needs are provided for. However, knowing that despite working as much as I can I am still relying on the bank each month to cover my own financial deficit makes it hard for me to see how this can be good, Karmically speaking. Energetically I give everything to my yoga students, my son and my boyfriend and friends. They also give to me and I am very fortunate to be amongst so many good people. However recently I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia which is quite a draining autoimmune condition which means that I need to watch how much I am doing as I can easily exhaust myself with a level of activity which would be quite manageable to someone else. So although my basic needs are met, it is easy to worry about a future where if my energy runs out, at times I may be unable to work and find myself incapable of preventing a deeper slide into debt on all levels. I realise that taking care of myself and simplifying my lifestyle more will be important here and that worry about my capabilities is detrimental. The only way at times I have found to remain positive is to sit in gratitude. It is difficult, however, to feel that I am able to give back more when everything that I earn already belongs to the bank. So I give clothes and food, and whatever I come across I share with others, including actions I can take on their behalf. I know despite all this I am rich in the sense that I am provided for, but I have to be honest I do not feel financially rich. I feel poor! Even though I know I’m not. The truth is though, without the benefits system I would not have a place to live. I’m so grateful that we do! Is there some kind of shift in consciousness that needs to occur within me so that I can see everything as it is and not my singular perception? I suppose my issue is that on a day to day basis I am well and rich, but on a longer term basis I risk getting poorer without the appropriate level of replenishment energetically and financially ongoing. What I am giving to others doesn’t even belong to me. I am going on the 7 day meditation retreat in Wales next week, so I hope that things may become clearer to me in some way! I hope this makes sense, I realise I’ve written a lot and I hope it doesn’t sound like a big whinge, because that’s not how I feel. I’m just somewhat confused about what my actions should be at this point.