Since lesson 6, the lesson on Oneness, I have been really taken aback by the questions “when did you experience this? Instinctively as a child? And when might you have lost it?” I’ve stayed with the questions for weeks. I remember very clearly as a child feeling this unquestioning connection to the world and with it a deep curiosity about all things. I was brought up in the Bahamas and so surrounded by a natural beauty. During a meditation asked my heart to show me these memories from my childhood. Streams of crystal clear moments appeared, nothing fantastic, just remembering the feeling of my father’s old, tall, metal weighing scales, our slack mosquitos nets, the smell of our pond, my green carpet, all these seemingly bland memories were packed with an aliveness or depth. As they appeared somewhere very deep in my heart opened up. It felt like a place that is rarely open. And as it did I was flooded with gratitude for the life I had been given, especially to my parents. Often I feel a sense of grief in the depths of my heart and I think it’s the loss of this childish innocence that I have been grieving or longing for. It seemed to me worth sharing as it felt like a very simple way of touching that oneness by remembering rather than trying to get somewhere.
I then asked myself when and why did I lose it? And I think it was probably leaving the Bahamas and being educated in England at the age of 9. I distinctly remember that feeling of having to behave, having to crush something that was freely connected. Later at school this feeling of having to behave would become an effort to be someone acceptable, liked, unlikely to experience be picked on etc. The story of the Garden of Eden keeps coming up in my mind as I think of that journey out of such natural beauty for the sake of knowledge/education. I think the lesson on Oneness comes through so organically when spending time in the forest. The teachings become alive, everything your heart really wants is right there in front of you, so naturally your perceived needs drift away. So yes, I’ve been very inspired about this lesson and working on this idea of return to innocence, when there was just he simple experience and before this complex identity started being sculpted, when we really were just a part of it.