I have been away for a week and whilst travelling I have been reflecting on this topic. Kate’s story and Barbara’s comment about identity resonated with some of the thoughts I had about the need to belong I had when I was young. In order to belong I fell in with the sex and drugs and rock and roll scene although some part of me was not at home in it. In truth I could have fallen in with almost any group but that was what I came across first. Some years later I gave up the drugs and alcohol and it was interesting who was comfortable with me being around but not joining in on that level and who was not and how I was with that. How it seemed that it was the habit that bound us together and not real friendship in some cases.
I remember a time when a seed of non-virtuous behaviour was planted and how that was watered by the need to be accepted as well as some curiosity and then desire and ego perpetuated it. A time I do look back on with regret. There is a feeling of betraying my own essence as well as betraying others even though there was no secrecy involved.
I have also been aware recently of Right Speech and of how I can feed something in me by recounting an event to others and it stirs up the emotions again and feeds a sense of rightness or seeks sympathy or wants some confirmation or support in some way through others views of what I have recounted. In hindsight I can see there is some truth in “keeping one’s own counsel” to some degree.