Having been brought up in a religious setting and taught the need to be kind to others was a positive in my life I think, however this was confused by the example around me of elders who were so self-sacrificial that we did not learn the need to be kind also to ourselves. I grew up with no desire to hurt anyone and yet I was very much unkind to myself and others without even knowing it. It took years of life and relationships for me to recognise the cycles of unkindness I had caught myself up in! It wasn’t until I realised the need to accept kindness from others that I was able to forgive myself and allow all that virtue to flow out freely. Of course the m still very much learning in these areas but it is a real relief to allow virtue to grow naturally rather than obstruct it with selfishness and unconscious or conscious hurt to others.