I have two points that I wanted to share here in the forum. The first one is specific to the ‘rite of passage’. Long term relationships of any kind, are challenging, just as life is. Probably because to become robust, deep and full fledged, they have to evolve, develop and transform with time. For relationships to mature, we as individuals, need to mature as well. The problem is that we all do that at different times and in different ways. Some never do.
I think, and it is also my experience, that this lack of sync is the source of many frictions, heartaches and breaks. Even when you truly love each other, it makes the day by day difficult, sometimes impossible.
How can we acquire the lucidity and wisdom to work for which is worth working for and fighting for, through the confusion created by our emotions and limitations our fears and our doubts? And doing so without becoming servile or weak, controlling, indifferent or heartless?
The second point is about triggers. I find that many of my negative reactions are caused by triggers. And those triggers are much more powerful in relationships. Paradoxically, it is the people I love most and for which I would do anything, who ‘push my buttons’ easily. This in turn creates feelings of regret and remorse (because I care for them) which makes things even worse. Acceptance with humility – of what I am and I have caused, is great medicine. But is there a way to cure the illness at symptom stage?