Pride is a difficult trait to deal with. It is easy to spot when it’s flamboyant face shows, as in ” Look at me being ……!” But it can also be very sneaky and insinuate itself into all manner of situations. Then it is harder to tackle and as Kim says it doesn’t disappear because you wish to get rid of it.
This afternoon I have been thinking about the Retreat I am going on in a month’s time. This will be the third time I have been on retreat with Burgs. My first retreat with him last May, I sat cross legged on my cushion with my right knee supported with a blanket – just as I have always sat to meditate. But as the week wore on my back and hip became increasingly painful. And yet because It felt grounded, connected to the whole lineage of meditators and somehow intrinsically right to be on a cushion I resisted any change. On the September Retreat, I started on my cushion but as the experience got more and more painful I moved to sit on a chair. This September I will start on a chair. I have recognised the part that pride was playing in all this. But it isn’t just pride, it isn’t as straightforward as that – there is the grief that comes with deteriorating health and ageing, the longing that is still there to be a part of a traditional form of sitting and the relief that comes with accepting things just as they are right now.
Don’t know whether that makes sense to anyone but the skilful means of dealing with pride definitely include clear seeing and a sense of humour that can enjoy the ridiculous!