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#21515
terence
Participant

Hey Kathryn, I don’t think your invisible, maybe fearful right now but definitely not ineffectual.
I feel were your at, I struggle with this very much too so maybe I’m not the best person to advise but I’ll share some of my experience with it and hopefully there’s comfort to know your not the only one who can feel like their floundering, trust me your not.
I feel this phase is productive if met with enough patience, you know life it is as it is but even if you experience a bit of that really feeling like that about life all the time must be a huge step or a lot of little ones, so go easy on your self.
Although you feel like you’ve cut across all your motivations try and connect with the deeper ones that led you on this path I dare say they are still there and gaining strength without you realising.
If you’ve managed to tackle your ego to a degree where your questioning these things I think that’s quite an achievement, but it can be difficult to meet what your experiencing with equanimity, and that’s ok this is profound stuff. It’s a weird place to be when the things you relied on to form your reality and motivate yourself are thrown up in the air, it can loosen a lot of emotions and sometimes I’ve been left wondering which way is up! Dose not last forever though.
When my heart feels heavy I do like a not so serious meditation on the good things in my life, just reflect on people i love, people that have warmed my heart and such things. Usually quite short, let my heart warm up feel some love and gently stop, makes life feel much better.
I also make sure to spend enough time in nature and tune in on that, I think it’s really important to rest your mind there as often as possible, sometimes learning the Dhamma can be quite a head challenge and nature puts it in to perspective reminding me what it is I’m doing.
Good luck, love T