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#21455
Kathryn
Participant

“stuck in limbo about own desire to live? we do need a healthy sense of self and desire to live the pantomime?” – this resonates deeply, as new perspectives on the processes that support life have cut across every motivation that previously propelled me forward. I have for the moment emerged desireless and rudderless, questioning all the present conditions, and all the decisions that have previously brought me to this point. I have found this a bit of an exhausting and disorientating process!! I hear the wisdom that “it is as it is”, this shift is still not yet complete, and the small glimpses of insight I might have gained are just the beginning, that virtue becomes the new basis of decision making… yet attempts at unravelling and stalling the ego and its desire have left me feeling invisible, fearful, ineffectual.. and the limbo remains…!! I’m not sure if this phase is productive or to be embraced with patience, as to be really really honest I find it all a bit crippling, the uncertainty and impotence and the ache that has developed around my heart. Trying to sit with it and develop some equanimity, but also hoping to find the conviction to move on.